Jeremy's Journey: From A Prison Cell To A Healed Heart

By Sandra (Lott) Smith

Jeremy's Journey is about Jeremy, who was full of life and laughter as a child. Then, suddenly, darkness invaded his life without warning. The darkness came f

• Language: English
• Publisher: Your New Life Ministries LLC
• Release date: Jun 27, 2024
• ISBN: 9798869331984

Sandra (Lott) Smith

Sandra (Lott) Smith was born and raised in San Antonio, Texas, with one sister and two brothers. Sandra loves the mountains, making candles, and jewelry. She is the author of Jeremy's Journey, Deep Waters Within Sequel-Deep Waters Rage, A Princess in Waiting, Ride the Wind, and more. She has also written children's such as, The Wind Has a Voice and How Did He Get in There, Molly's Journey to Forgiveness, and more. She has written over 38 books to date and began writing poetry as soon as she was saved in June 1998. The Lord gave her, her first book to write right after her son was killed. Writing was not something she sought out. She poured her heart into time spent with the Lord in order to allow Him to heal her heart and the name of her first book was birthed in her spirit along with the chapters and what it was to be about during a devotion time. It was called: God's Love; ironically enough, with all that she was going through, God's love was exactly what she needed. She is passionate about studying the Bible. She has taught Sunday school, and Bible Study Groups, assists in preaching in her present church, and served in the Celebrate Recovery Ministry, and Homeless Outreach. Sandra was also interviewed on radio shows such as Golden Life Living and WMAP Radio (World's Most Amazing People based out of New York), the Bill Martinez show, and a Fox Radio show called the Kim Kennedy Show. She is a devoted mother of 2 sons (Tim & Gerald Ray), Gerald Ray the youngest, has gone on to be with the Lord due to a car accident. Through the death of her youngest son at the age of 16, a rocky marriage to an alcoholic and the abuse that came with that, and other overwhelming trials, she has drawn close to the loving arms of the Father. Experiencing God's unconditional love as He held her heart in His hands, has created a passion in her to help others grow in their understanding of and receive God's love and grow spiritually. She has the heart to help hurting women discover the princess in Christ that they truly are and overcome abuse. She teaches on topics to help you reach spiritual maturity, persevere through the hard times, and how to reach your destiny in Christ!

Book preview

1

The Sound Of Prison Doors

Clang! That was the sound of the prison doors shutting, and Jeremy could not get that sound out of his mind. He had never been in jail before and now, he had to serve a two-year sentence. At least this place had four solid walls and not the cardboard walls he was sleeping in on the streets.

How did I get here? Jeremy thought. He already knew how, but what started his downward spiral into this place? He would have a lot of time to think about it. For the moment, he was already shaking and beginning to sweat from the anxiety and restlessness of needing a fix. Although the hospital stay was long and cleaned all the drugs out of his system, it did not clean them out of his mind. How could I make it in here for two years when I can’t even make it for one day? That was the thought that kept going through his mind.

The sound of the prison doors shutting behind him brought the hopelessness he had felt to the forefront of his thoughts. He was off the streets, but just as lost, and his heart still just as dark and numb. Jeremy felt lifeless inside and wondered, Why did they save me, after all, I was homeless and of no use to anyone. Why didn’t they just let me die?

Here it comes again, the sweats and the anxiety. I can’t take it! I have to get out of here! I need a rock, just one! Jeremy’s mind was racing, and the withdrawals were strong. He started pounding on the walls and shaking the prison doors. Let me out of here! Let me out!

No one listened, no one came. The prison guards were all too familiar with the antics of addict withdrawals.

It did not stop there. I know, if I hurt myself and am bleeding, then they will surely come and give me something for the pain, Jeremy thought.

Jeremy continued to bang his head against the wall and even managed to pull some wire from under the mattress. He began cutting himself until blood was gushing out of his arm. I’m bleeding, I’m bleeding! I need help, hurry! Jeremy shouted.

The guards finally came, cuffed him through the cell doors, and took him to the infirmary. The guards stood watch, on both sides of Jeremy, while the doctor on duty bandaged him up. When he looked at his file and was enraged. 

Jeremy asked, Aren’t you going to give me something for the pain, doc? It hurts bad.

No, I cannot. Your chart reads that you are a suicide watch and addict. I am not allowed to give you any medication. The doctor answered and then turned to the guards. Watch him while I speak to the warden.

The doctor went into his office next door and called Warden Henry Murphy. Warden, I have an inmate here who was in the regular cell block, and he shouldn’t have been! This needs to be corrected at once. He is a suicide watch and an addict. He just came here from the county and, before that, he was in the hospital for a failed suicide via drug and alcohol overdose. You know the withdrawals addicts go through and what they try to do to themselves just to get some medication. He needs to be in the protective cells until he is past the withdrawal stage.

I will look into it at once and reprimand the one who made the error. In the meantime, until I can transfer him to the correct cell block, take him back to the cell he was in, and have a guard stand watch at his cell, Warden Henry answered.

The doctor relayed the instructions to the guards and finished treating Jeremy. The guards took him back to his cell with Jeremy pressuring them, the whole way back, to give him something. They just let him rant and rave and said nothing as they walked, one guard on each side of him.

Once back in his cell, he started again, You can’t leave me here! I’m hurting, and I need some meds! This is not right! I am going to sue you! Where’s my lawyer? Jeremy ranted. Jeremy continued his screaming until he wore himself out and fell asleep.

The guards standing watch at his cell were extremely grateful. They both looked at each other and, at the same time, said, It’s about time! They chuckled to themselves with a sigh of relief.

~~~~~

It took two hours to get him reassigned to the correct cell. Jeremy was still sleeping when the orders came through. The guards were not happy about waking him up. But, on the other hand, at least they would not have to stand right over him in the protective cell. Protective cells have cushioned walls and no wired bedsprings for the inmates to use to hurt themselves.

Jeremy was not too happy when the guards woke him up and began yelling again. The only time I can get any peace is when I am asleep, and you have to wake me up! Leave me alone!

Cool it, one of the guards replied. You are getting a new home. You are being transferred to a safer cell. 

I don’t want to go! I am fine right here! Jeremy screamed back at him.

Well, we are not fine with you here, so get up and come on, now! the guard answered back.

After a few more rounds of yelling back and forth between the guards and Jeremy, Jeremy finally relented.

They told Jeremy that they were keeping him in this cell for a month, just to be on the safe side. They did not want any more episodes out of him.  

~~~~~

 His first week there made him even angrier. He could not do anything with the cushioned walls to cause injury to get some meds. The ranting and pacing back and forth continued. I need to get out of here! I can’t take this! You have to let me out of here! I need something in the worst way!

No one listened, no one came. It was pointless screaming but, even so, Jeremy continued to rant. He was screaming at the walls, and it did not matter who was listening, or not. He needed a fix, and he needed it now. Anger welled up inside of him because his needs were not being met.

Four solid, cushioned walls and no one to talk to. He hadn’t had a fix in weeks. How will I make it? I’m going to die; I’m going crazy! What will I do? How do I make it in here? What day is it? What month? I can’t do this; I need a fix." Jeremy rolled this thought, over and over, in his mind.

~~~~~

 It took about three weeks before Jeremy had finally calmed down. He would not be able to go outside, nor have visitors, until his time in a protective cell was up, and they were certain he was not a threat. Once they were certain of that, then they would begin his mandatory sessions with the psychologist as well. 

~~~~~

 It had taken the full length of time in a protective cell, but the fog in Jeremy’s head was beginning to subside. He wondered what the outdoors looked like, and if he would see it again. He was even beginning to miss his parents. How long have I been here? Will I stay here the whole time?" Jeremy thought.

~~~~~

Now that he had calmed down, and it had been a month, they sent him to the infirmary doctor to check his vitals again and see if his blood pressure was back to normal. Everything was normal, and he was now being transferred to C Block, his new home for the next two years. Next week, he would begin to unravel the thoughts, emotions, and past circumstances that led to his suicide. Would he cooperate?

As the fog continued to lift, reality set in, and thoughts continued to fill his mind. How did I get here? Where did it begin?

2

Street Life: Where It Began

Jeremy had been living on the streets. Supporting his drug habit took all his money and was more important than having a place to live and a steady job. The downward spiral that led to his life on the streets began six months after his younger brother, Michael, died. Michael died at the age of seventeen from leukemia, and deep episodes of depression suddenly overtook Jeremy because of the loss of his brother; it was more than he could bear. He started using drugs to mask the pain. He managed, somewhat, but everyone noticed. He had mood swings, nervous anxiety, and was edgy. As soon as he got paid, he was always broke. He was far different from the even-tempered guy he used to be.

 He had a good job working for a hotel as a front desk attendant. Then, the trigger happened, and life on the streets began; he walked away without looking back. 

Mr. Carlson was Jeremy’s baseball coach when he was seven years old. One day, Jeremy was reading the newspaper at the front desk at work, and an article suddenly caught his eye. Maxwell Carlson, the kids all called him Mr. Max, was hit and killed by a drunk driver. Upon seeing that article, Jeremy was consumed with anger. He could not handle the emotions bursting forth, so he threw it all away. He did not know why he had such anger; he could not remember. He just knew he had to get away, and far. He walked out of the hotel and did not look back. He never even called home. He just left. That was ten years ago; Jeremy was nineteen years old at the