Deep Waters Within

By Sandra (Lott) Smith

Deep Waters Within: Featured in the movie, Santa's Second Wife is about the internal struggles of Jim Staley. Jim leaves home, determined to pave his own path. He hi

• Language: English
• Publisher: Your New Life Ministries LLC
• Release date: Jun 26, 2024
• ISBN: 9798330249039

Sandra (Lott) Smith

Sandra (Lott) Smith was born and raised in San Antonio, Texas, with one sister and two brothers. Sandra loves the mountains, making candles, and jewelry. She is the author of Princess Anastasia, Deep Waters Within, A Princess in Waiting, Ride the Wind, and more. She has also written children's such as, The Wind Has a Voice and How Did He Get in There, Molly's Journey to Forgiveness, and more. She has written over 38 books to date and began writing poetry as soon as she was saved in June 1998. The Lord gave her, her first book to write right after her son was killed. Writing was not something she sought out. She poured her heart into time spent with the Lord to allow Him to heal her heart and the name of her first book was birthed in her spirit along with the chapters and what it was to be about during a devotion time. It was called: God's Love; ironically enough, with all that she was going through, God's love was exactly what she needed. She is passionate about studying the Bible. She has taught Sunday school, and Bible Study Groups, assists in preaching in her present church, and served in the Celebrate Recovery Ministry, and Homeless Outreach. Sandra was also interviewed on radio shows such as Golden Life Living and WMAP Radio (World's Most Amazing People based out of New York), the Bill Martinez show, and a Fox Radio show called the Kim Kennedy Show. She is a devoted mother of 2 sons (Tim & Gerald Ray), Gerald Ray the youngest, has gone on to be with the Lord due to a car accident. Through the death of her youngest son at the age of 16, a rocky marriage to an alcoholic and the abuse that came with that, and other overwhelming trials, she has drawn close to the loving arms of the Father. Experiencing God's unconditional love as He held her heart in His hands, has created a passion in her to help others grow in their understanding of and receive God's love and grow spiritually. She has the heart to help hurting women discover the princess in Christ that they truly are and overcome abuse. She teaches on topics to help you reach spiritual maturity, persevere through the hard times, and how to reach your destiny in Christ!

Book preview

1

The Rebellion

Anger consumed Jim as he sped off down the road, How can he expect me to do that just because he does?  Jim thought to himself.  Continuing his thoughts, He is the one who likes that stuff and I am not doing it anymore!

Justifying the horrible fight, he just had with his father, Jim did not know where he was going.  He just knew he had to leave and he was going to get as far away as possible. 

  Jim and his father, John Staley, were very close and were as much like friends as they were father and son. Jim’s father, John, loved his job and loved it even more because his son shared that same passion for woodwork.  They owned a cabinet shop called, Staley’s Custom Cabinets and Woodwork and they fit together so perfectly in their business. His dad was creative and had a great mind for business while Jim; just as creative was a great salesman.

They also believed in eating right and taking care of themselves, they loved to work out together and even took morning runs on the beach together.  Jim was thirty-eight years old with short dark brown and slightly wavy hair, six feet tall and slender, but strong and well-built as was his father. The one area that they had issues with was their beliefs.  John loved God with all his heart and his faith was very strong.  Jim, on the other hand, was not sure at all. 

At ten years old Jim started questioning the existence of God when one of his friends at school was hit and killed by a car.  He thought, I don’t understand. How can God let this happen to someone so young?

It created doubt and that doubt grew and grew.  John loved witnessing and he felt in some way that was the calling of every Christian, maybe not the way he does it, but nonetheless, he believed that it was his duty.  And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, ‘All authority has been given to me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. (Matthew 28:18-19)

Jim could not do it because, although he went to church with his parents, it was more out of duty than desire, and he could not ask someone else to believe in something that he wasn’t even sure himself if he believed.

Overwhelmed and in a moment of extreme frustration, Jim told his dad about his doubts and one word led to another. Anger exploded from Jim, and before he knew it his bags were packed and the money he was saving to build a house was now going to be used to move him to California which was on the other side of the United States. It was the exact opposite of Chatham, Massachusetts, his current home. Jim did not want to face the calling on his life, and just like Jonah, he would pay the price for running.  But Jonah arose to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. He went down to Joppa, and found a ship going to Tarshish; so, he paid the fare, and went down into it, to go with them to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. (Jonah 1:3) Just like Jonah, Jim’s pride would surely bring trouble. Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall. (Proverbs 16:18) The Lord allowed him to follow after his own free will, but just as Jonah, his rebellion would cost him.  To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.  For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance is like the evil of idolatry.  Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He has rejected you as king. (I Samuel 15:22-23)   Jim’s fall would come but only to bring about a resurrection in his spirit. For you have delivered my soul from death, indeed my feet from stumbling, so that I may walk before God in the light of the living. (Psalm 56:13)

  The journey across the country would be long, but Jim’s anger produced momentum for the trip.  His thoughts were not of the long trip ahead of him, they were of the anger that consumed him.  Dad is trying to turn me into a replica of himself and I am not going to do it anymore.  I need to be me.

As Jim continued his drive across the country, thoughts of the past kept racing through his mind.  He thought of all the times he was made to or felt obligated to go door to door witnessing with his father, and for something, he wasn't even sure how or what he believed.  His anger faded somewhat and then he remembered Julie.  How could I have forgotten to tell her I was leaving? Well, from all my complaints I am sure she will understand.  I will have to call her when I reach a motel. 

Later that night when he stopped at the cheapest roadside motel he could find, he decided to brave the call. 

How could you do that?  I thought we meant more to each other than that!  I know you have been frustrated with your father, but you could have moved in with me!  You just leave with no call, nothing!  I am not sure if I want to speak to you again.  Jim, I am so mad at you right now, Julie ranted on and on.

Then, silence on the line, neither knew what else to say.  Jim was more scared than anything to open his mouth, so he just held the phone, speechless.  Then he finally replied, I am truly sorry, but I just had enough and was so angry I could not think straight.  I knew I just had to leave and get as far away as I could.  You probably don't understand, but I have been under my parent’s roof and command for so long, I had to escape, and far away.  I have always wanted to go to California, so I thought this would be the perfect opportunity.  I am sorry for not calling but it all happened so fast.  Please forgive me. 

Silence on the line once again; no one spoke.  Catching her breath Julie despairingly spoke up, While I do understand the issues between you and your father, if you really loved me, then I would have still been on your mind and heart to call or come over.  That is what I cannot get passed.  I don't know where this leaves us.  You are on your way to California, and my home is here and I do not plan on moving.  What are your plans?  Is this temporary, to be completely on your own for a bit with no one around to tell you their opinion of what you need to do so you can figure yourself out? Or, is this permanent? 

Replying in a somber tone, Jim said, Truthfully I am not sure right now.  I am not sure of anything right now.  I just know I must be my person for a while and discover who I am. I have been following my father for so long, I am not sure who I am or what I want out of life, or what I believe.  I am sorry that I cannot be any more precise than that, I do care for you. Please believe that, but I do understand that the distance between us will be great. 

Julie was crying now, Jim could hear through the phone and could picture in his mind the tears in her eyes.

Julie, I am so sorry, I never meant to hurt you. I am so sorry.

Trying to conceal her emotions, and sniffling a bit more, Julie said, It doesn't matter now what you meant or didn't mean to do.  The fact is, you will be miles away and you don't have any plans at the moment one way or another.  I do not see this relationship going anywhere like that.  I do not want a long-distance relationship.  It is over Jim and whether that is hard for you to accept or not, it is not easy for me to say.  I do love you, but I honestly don't think you know what it means to love someone.  If you did, you would have called me before you left.  Suddenly or not, if you loved me you would not have just packed up and started driving across the country without calling.  I am sorry, but this is the way it must be.  Goodbye, Jim, and good luck. 

Julie hung up the phone as fast as she could; she could not bear talking to him any longer.  The shock of his call, and what he was doing, and breaking up was more than she could take.  Julie broke down and began crying profusely.

On the other end, Jim, was still speechless. He just sat there and thought to himself.  Everything she said made a lot of sense.  If I loved her, the way I know she loved me, I would have called.  He was frozen; he just could not seem to move.  He sat there on the bed as still as could be and the events of everything that had happened overwhelmed him.  He thought to himself, What did I just do?  I left my home, the only one I have ever known, and a wonderful girl and a job. What did I just do?

Soon enough, completely clothed, sleep overtook him.  He woke up the next morning with his head throbbing, and up against the headboard where he must have fallen over when he fell asleep. Thoughts of the night before raced through his mind and tears came flooding out. Again, he thought, What did I just do?  Well, I have started this journey, so I might as well finish it and see where it takes me.

  Jim was bothered by the breakup more than he wanted to admit to himself, but he knew he had already chosen the road and had to follow it through.  He had too much pride to turn back now, and he was still fueled by the residing anger he had at his father.  The years of concealed emotions that Jim had, and overwhelming confusion and uncertainties about his faith were just an explosion waiting to go off.  He never talked about his doubts or not wanting to go with his father.  So, instead, the emotional frustrations just kept building and building until the explosion finally happened. 

  Continuing his trip, Jim’s mind drifted back home.  His mood was a little more serene now, as he thought about his mom and dad.  Although he was angry at his father, he loved his parents more than anything and he was feeling a little guilty about storming off and out of their life, or so he thought.  I will call once I am settled and have a job and see if he is still talking to me, Jim thought to himself.

****

  Meanwhile, back in Chatham, John Staley’s cough, which he thought was just a cold that would not go away, was getting much worse.  John did not like going to the doctor.  He always prayed first and many times that worked.  He believed the Bible from front to back and still believed as the Scripture says, Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  So, the healing