Kana & Tomo: The x-jenda Chronicles, #1

By Phillip Otake

Kana & Tomo meet on the first day of senior high. Tomo is a raging masc lesbian and a star in the volleyball team, battling a homophobic principal, an ogre of a father, and her own dysphoria and demons. Kana is her rock and a bass player just returned from living in London. While there, she transitioned socially and tries to keep her secret from Tomo. It doesn't work. But by this time they are so into each other that Tomo accompanies Kana for her surgery. At their school they discover a kindred spirit in Mandy, an English teacher from Samoa. They attempt to set-up a group for queer kids but the idea is rebuffed by the principal. Undeterred, they set-up an online group instead and hatch a plan to open a queer-friendly café together. Meanwhile, Kana plays in the band with the gorgeous Ren and she realises her sexuality extends beyond women. All is well until tragedy strikes. Ami, Tomo's former lover, takes her own life after being attacked by guys from school. The girls seeks answers, and, finding none, they quit in a blaze of internet indignation. But for Tomo, things worsen when her father announces plans to move away. She flatly refuses to go and cops a vicious beating. It's all too much—her demons, the loss of a friend, and the prospect of losing Kana—and she escapes into the night. Kana, her rock, finds her and with Mandy, they get on with life beyond school and open up that café.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Phillip Otake
• Release date: Jun 27, 2024
• ISBN: 9784991372001

Phillip Otake

I'm an independent novelist with a particular interest in x-jenda stories (genderqueer, nonbinary, transgender, etc) set in East and Southeast Asia.

Book preview

CHAPTER ONE

TOMO DIDN’T SET out to be late for school. The spring break meant sleeping in every day and she just forgot to set the alarm. When the happy yapping of the dog next door woke her she gazed up at the rusted watermark on the ceiling. Then she looked at the clock.

Well…I missed assembly…might as well be really late.

She pushed herself upright, bum first, the way toddlers do, then heaved the futon up over a chair and padded downstairs to shower. Just a quick rinse, she told herself. But Tomo liked to luxuriate in the steaming silky stream and stomp at the whirlpool of memories at her feet, consigning them to oblivion, as they gurgled down into the void. Back up in the bedroom, she stepped into boxer shorts, wrestled into her binder then stood scowling up at the back of the door. A tartan skirt from an unheard of clan hung there, along with a beige blazer. She left them there and donned her school tracksuit instead. Then she jogged downstairs to a deserted kitchen to grab a slice of toast for breakfast.

Down at the corner she missed meeting her friends. The old shop that was once the social centre of the neighbourhood had been razed over the winter, along with half a dozen houses. Gone, were Mr and Mrs Sato, the patronly pair who knew everybody’s name and everybody’s business, and gone were the best lollies in town. Now, a brand new convenience store bobbed like a lost container on a sea of bitumen. Tomo sailed right on past to the school gate, where two struggling cherry blossom trees jousted with a towering chain-mesh fence. Up on the mottled concrete façade a clock insisted it was one forty-three. Through a window up on the third floor rags that were once curtains waved. Tomo scuffed along the path and rehearsed her excuse for being late—abdominal cramps, period pain—works every time. Upstairs, she slid open the classroom door and excused herself. The teacher leaned into the lectern, droning away marking the roll. He pointed with a chewed pencil to an empty seat about half-way down the row of desks. Tomo sauntered past the rows of goggling eyes and flopped down. When she looked up, her world froze. In front of her, strands of unruly hair escaped a strict hair tie. A pearl white neck trapped by a cruel, crumpled collar. But that massive ponytail! She leaned over to catch a side view, remembering to breathe. It was an audible sigh.

You okay?

Huh? Um…yeah, she flashed friendly teeth to the guy next to her, then turned back to her new Eden. She knew most of the faces around her, but who was this? It wasn’t until the morning break that she summoned enough courage to say something.

Hi! I’m Tomo, she stuck out a hand.

Oh…hi! I’m Kana, the tall skinny girl grinned back then took the hand. Tomo didn’t let it go—she couldn’t. They both pulled away together. Awkward for Kana. Agony for Tomo.

You…you didn’t go to junior high here, Tomo found words difficult talking to a goddess. Where did you come from?

England. I’ve been living in England. My dad works—

Well you’re here now! Tomo snapped. Where do you live?

Near the new convenience store at the bottom of the hill, Kana pointed out the window.

That’s where I live! Just around the corner. We’re neighbours!

They chatted for the rest of the break about their schedules. After school, Tomo had volleyball, and Kana, band. Tomo resisted sighing out loud again as she stood in Kana’s presence, admiring the hair tied back tight with that fringe verandah, just covering those perfect, untouched eyebrows. Cute freckles sprinkled across the bridge of her nose. A luscious pale pink mouth.

Can I take your photo to put in my phone? It was the best she could do to restrain herself from kissing it.

Oh sure! Kana grinned, instantly framing her face with two peace signs.

After a few days of the new routine they started to walk to and from school together. Tomo was always, always waiting out in front of Kana’s house in the mornings. Kana was unused to getting to school so early, so it was nice to have a smiling face greet her. For Tomo, it was the best part of her day, to be actually walking with the gorgeous, flawless Kana, like lovers.

Do you have a boyfriend? she quipped one day, willing the answer to be no.

I was too sick and too ugly to be interested in boys.

I don’t believe that! Tomo scoffed.

Aw…thanks, but this isn’t the prettiest nose in the world…know what I mean?

What? You think your nose is ugly? Tomo snapped. "Are you kidding me? Your nose is perfect! Who wants a little button? Everybody has the same little button on their faces. If anything, my nose is ugly!"

You’re not ugly Tomo, you’re beautiful, Kana declared. I’m plain.

You could never be plain.

Aw…thanks…but you didn’t answer me…got a boyfriend?

Nah…too busy…with volleyball.

Kana didn’t pursue the topic. She didn’t know what to think of boys. Back in London, they were so cool and so confident, but they had expectations that she just didn’t want to know about. She just played at being the shy Asian girl and it had worked—the boys left her alone. The boys here liked to leave her alone, too. They never looked at her the way the boys in London did. But then, they never seem to look at any girls that way. Tomo took up most of her thinking these days, anyway, and if her volleyball went late, Kana would wait for her in the gym. She liked watching her move about the court. She was so agile, so physical, so strong, so confident. That pose just before her serve—the way she was all concentration and relaxation, like a cat about to pounce. That moment time freezes when she jumps to block at the net. The way sweat charges down her face, framing her dimpled smile. But she seemed different to the other girls and it wasn’t just her short hair. It was a presence among them, like she somehow belonged with them. Some were a little coy with her, just playing along with her high-fives and sweaty hugs. But others were obviously friends. Good friends.

Of course your friend can stay over.

Kana’s mum tried to disguise the relief at her daughter finding a friend so quickly. Their return home, on short notice, had gone smoothly and Akiko was happy to be home again, but she was concerned about uprooting Kana. When they first arrived in London, the realities of day-to-day living in a strange place soon took their toll. Getting the kids off to school, the husband off to work and the long trip to the Asian grocer across town. She was happy enough to try new foods, but the occasional comfort food of a decent miso soup or udon noodles was the only thing warding off the seeping homesickness, at least for Akiko. She didn’t mind admitting that her life was sometimes a lonely one. She was surrounded by the people she loved but something gnawed away at her. It was like that stubborn corner of mould in the bathroom—regardless of the sprays and the scrubbing it always returned. You could just ignore it, and mostly that’s what Akiko did, pouring her energy into home-making. There was not much interest in the husband after the children. It was all rather conventional, really—pash, marry, avoid—and it didn’t help that they all slept in a family bed of three futons together on the floor, with the boys on the sides and mother and baby Kana in the middle. But in the London house all that changed. Their son was glad to have a room of his own and Dad was out so much with work—one big party it seemed—that he set himself up in a room of his own too, so he could come home drunk and snore the night away. That’s when the girls took to sharing the double bed. It was their time for girl talk, and Akiko loved the way Kana would snuggle into her while she slept, with an arm locked around her waist, as if they were riding a motorbike and hurtling down that bumpy road of adolescence together.

She suppressed the urge to sigh at the excitement on her daughter’s face as she attacked the phone with her thumbs. She hadn’t seen joy like this in her daughter for a long long time. Changing countries, changing schools, all the other changes—the barrage seemed endless. But now it felt like the first fine day after a typhoon.

Two minutes later, the doorbell rang.

You must be Tomoe, Akiko smiled.

The tall athletic figure with the short clipped hair stood in the doorway. Her eyes illuminated her face. The words TOM BOY sparkled on her black T-shirt as they shook hands.

Hi Mrs—

Please. Call me Akiko.

Oh…okay! Tomo beamed. Hi, Akiko!

Hi you, Kana appeared at the door.

Hi!

Tomo kicked off her shoes and charged at Kana, pushing her up against the wall, fondling her face, kissing her deeply, urgently. Except that she didn’t. Akiko recognised a familiar sparkle in Tomo’s eyes, though, and, somewhat bemused, she ushered the pair to the kitchen. Soon, they were sitting around the dining table sipping barley tea. Akiko spoke first.

So…Kana tells me you live around the corner.

Yeah…behind that new convenience store, Tomo nodded.

I know that street! Akiko chirped. I walk that way when I do the mountain walk. Which house is it?

The wood house. The only wooden house in the street.

Really? I love that old place! Akiko cooed.

It was nana and pops.

I see…so…tell me about your family.

Mum! Kana interjected.

No, it’s okay…not much to say, really. I’m an only child. My mum’s from Korea.

Really? Akiko chirped. Mine’s from Hokkaido…she’s Ainu.

Oh…mum’s Jejuan, actually, Tomo added, but she grew up in Kyushu. Dad’s a local…but he’s always working. We never see him.

We know all about that, don’t we, dear?

Kana nodded.

Well…you’re always welcome here, Akiko grinned. She looked up at the clock on the wall. Now…I’ve got to go out for a while. You two have fun!

Thanks Mrs…um…Akiko! Tomo chirped.

Tomo stayed over most weekends and to Kana’s delight she discovered an avid reader, though they had quite different habits. Once Kana started a book she finished it but Tomo left dog-eared, unfinished books lying about everywhere. It was a bit like their pyjamas. Kana wore long pants and a long sleeve top, buttoned-up to the neck while Tomo wore a baggy old T-shirt and briefs. In the bedroom one night, Tomo caught Kana sneaking a peek at her legs.

Like them?

Tomo lowered her book and stretched out, displaying two rows of scars along her inner thighs—a rickety ladder, with each rung about a matchstick long.

Didn’t it hurt? Kana frowned, self-consciously patting herself down.

Yes and no. It’s the rush…

Like what?

Like nothing you’ve ever felt before.

Why? Why do it? Kana moved to touch them. I don’t understand.

Go on, Tomo nodded.

Kana slid a finger across the bumps, snaking her way up the crooked ladder, startling the little black hairs.

I don’t understand it either, Tomo sighed. She had never talked about this before—not to anyone—but felt kind of okay talking to Kana. I have these feelings when I’m down…I can’t control them.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that way…down…I mean.

Are you kidding me? Down when you’re around? I’m gliding on a summer’s day, floating up into a cloudless blue sky!

It happens.

Yeah…I know.

What? What do you know?

Oh…I get anxiety attacks.

You?

Yes, Kana said, but not wanting to get into that right now, she crawled into her bed, and nervous…like now.

Why? What’ve you got to be nervous about?

You make me feel nervous, Kana smirked, but in a nice way…know what I mean?

Not really.

Sleeping with you, Kana said.

You’re not sleeping with me, silly…we’ve got our own beds! Tomo snapped under her covers. And anyway…haven’t you had sleepovers before?

No.

What? Never?

No.

Well, Tomo sniggered, I’m your first, eh?

Kana snapped the covers up over her face.

Good night.

Good night.

Who’s the beanpole? New girlfriend?

Shut up, Tomo panted. She’s a new neighbour.

Bang her yet?

Chortles and guffaws from her team mates punctuated the question.

Bang her brother? Tomo shot back.

Nah…he’s cute and all…but that’s before I knew who he was, Chika said. Then her chunky frame collapsed to the floor, laughing. Ha!

What?

We could go on a double date!

Not. Funny. Tomo mumbled through gritted teeth. They pushed themselves up and plodded across to their drink bottles. Speaking of dates…are you still coming over Saturday?

Yeah…is it still okay? Chika wiped her face. I mean…if you haven’t got a better offer.

Tomo glanced across to Kana. Chika noticed the tiny bolts of lightning shoot across the room.

Geez Tomo…I’ve never seen you like this.

Like what? Tomo blushed her protest.

Look at you, all Bambi-eyed, Chika cooed. You’re in love!

Tomo flicked at her with her towel then looked up with a coquettish smile.

"I knew it!"

Chika knew Tomo didn’t see boys—she just didn’t see them. Girls took up her entire field of vision. They were all she could think about. She had been caught out a few times with those pretty androgynous types on TV, but once she clocked them, she dismissed it with a shudder.

Nah…had to be girls.

In volleyball, it was unheard of for a first-year student to be chosen for the A team, but once the coach saw Tomo scurrying hand-over-hand up a rope he made up his mind. The older girls were a bit miffed at first, but they knew she had the most powerful serve and after a short time she was relieved of her new-kid duties. Tomo was delighted she could shower with the others after matches instead of doing the chores. And knowing she could do nothing but look didn’t phase her one bit. She made sure she was always first in the shower and last one out. She would chase dropped soap for the girls or shampoo their hair. Her scars were noticed, discreetly, but nothing was ever said—others were cutters too. Respect. One time, Tomo was struck by the girl-gaze of another player. It was a ping on a radar screen that would change her life. Ami, a senior, asked Tomo to shampoo her hair. They were the last two in the shower and as Tomo lathered the long locks, Ami reached behind with wet hands, clutched at Tomo’s hips and pulled her closer. Tomo stopped briefly, assessing the situation, when Ami tugged at her again. When Tomo reached for the shower rose Ami spun around and kissed her under a spray of soap and bubbles. Footsteps echoed and the pair untangled. Her friend, Yuma, stood at the doorway, grinning. Then she just turned and walked away. Outside, she saw Kana waiting on the giant gym steps.

You’ll never guess who I saw kissing in the shower just now!

What? Kana frowned. Boys in the shower?

Uh, no. Girls.

Out with it.

Our very own Tomo and Ami!

I very much doubt that, Kana scoffed.

I was surprised too, Yuma continued. "I was getting changed and I heard a noise in the shower. I thought someone forgot to turn it off, so I went in, and, well, there they were, snogging. They broke apart as soon as they saw me but I know Tomo…"

"What do you mean you know Tomo?"

She’s gay. Always has been…for as long as I’ve known her…and that’s a long time. Yuma watched Kana’s jaw drop at the news. You didn’t know that? But you spend so much time together, I just thought you knew.

I didn’t.

I found out when I had sleepovers at her place once. She couldn’t keep her hands off me! Yuma giggled.

Are you into girls?

Not really…I mean…we were just mucking around, Yuma replied. I’ve got a guy lined up but it’s a bit tricky getting him alone. Girls are lucky, you know…they can have sleepovers and fool around all they like, she grinned. If I took Ren home, my mum would have a fit…and my dad’d kill him!

They both laughed but Kana’s mind was suddenly elsewhere.

Tomo? Gay?

That night, Kana sat at her computer reading everything she could find on lesbians, devouring site after site. Yes, she felt different to other girls, especially about boys, because she just didn’t think about them at all. She even did a few of those Am I a Lesbian? tests. They all said she was, but that didn’t make sense because most of the questions were about having sex and Kana never really thought about that stuff. She realised that she thought about Tomo all the time, though. They phoned each other and sent messages and pictures. They talked all the time and spent all their free time together and liked to shower each other with gifts. But lots of girl friends do those things and they’re not lesbians! Kana’s head swirled. How do I feel about Tomo? She makes me feel good, she makes me feel special, she makes me laugh. I miss her when we’re apart and I can’t wait to see her again—but I feel that way about mum! Kana shut down her computer and shuffled down to the bedroom. She slipped under the quilt and stared up at the mosaic of shadows dancing on the ceiling. The shifting shadows mocked her muddled mind as she waited for the slow tide of sleep to wash over her.

Summer holidays meant no classes, with only the club activities at school in the mornings, so Kana and Tomo usually rode to the beach in the afternoons. It was just a short stretch of sand between the concrete corralled fishing boats and