Sessions with Myself: A clinical psychologist’s personal healing of childhood sexual abuse through messages from spirit. Insights into understanding the long-term sequelae of childhood sexual abuse.

By Michelle Warfield Ph.D.

Dr. Warfield, in Part One, shares her experience of writing down messages verbatim received from spirit in the format of sessions to assist her in healing from her childhood sexual abuse. This experiential process of healing includes her own recounting of childhood and adolescent abuse memories and flashback of her 6-year-old sexual abuse by her father. In Part Two, Dr. Warfield in her own words, expands upon the themes presented in the sessions by further completing her story of her childhood and adult experience as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and posttraumatic stress. She offers numerous insights surrounding the effects of childhood sexual abuse from her expertise as a clinical psychologist specialized in trauma and posttraumatic stress; to help survivors of childhood sexual abuse understand and heal from the long-term sequelae of their own trauma.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Jan 25, 2024
• ISBN: 9798765247785

Michelle Warfield Ph.D.

Dr. Warfield is a Ph.D. clinical psychologist with a career that encompassed specialization in treating trauma and posttraumatic stress, and the application of forensic psychology through the management of criminal offenders in New York, Colorado, and California. Beyond scientific methods and practice she seeks to understand and experience the metaphysical nature of existence. Visit: drmichellewarfield.com

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Copyright © 2024 Michelle Warfield, Ph.D.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

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ISBN: 979-8-7652-4779-2 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-7652-4780-8 (hc)

ISBN: 979-8-7652-4778-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023923918

Balboa Press rev. date:  01/25/2024

Dedication

Michelle Warfield, Ph.D.

For my sons.

I love you. I am so proud of you. I am always with you.

Contents

DEDICATION

PREFACE

PART 1: MESSAGES FROM SPIRIT

CHAPTER 1     SETTING THE FOUNDATION

CHAPTER 2     REFLECTION, FLASHBACK, MEMORY

CHAPTER 3     WORDS THAT HEAL

CHAPTER 4     DIGGING DEEPER, SEXUALABUSE MEMORY

CHAPTER 5     VISCERAL GENITAL FLASHBACK

CHAPTER 6     THE INSURRECTION AS ATRAUMA TRIGGER

CHAPTER 7     SEX ABUSE IMPACT ONRELATIONSHIP CHOICES

CHAPTER 8     PHYSICAL MANIFESTATIONSOF TRAUMA REVISITED

CHAPTER 9     ENDING SESSIONS

PART 2: POST SESSIONS

CHAPTER 10   MY COMMUNICATION WITH SPIRIT

CHAPTER 11   DISSOCIATION

CHAPTER 12   ANXIETY AND TRIGGERS

CHAPTER 13   RELATIONSHIPS AND BEINGVULNERABLE PREY

CHAPTER 14   COPING STRATEGIES

CHAPTER 15   HOPE AND MOVING FORWARD

Preface

I write this as a wounded healer having had a history of early childhood sexual abuse, and having practiced many years as a clinical and forensic Ph.D. Psychologist with licensure in New York, Colorado, and California. I write this having achieved integration of my dissociated parts that resulted from my trauma. When I initially chose my area of research for my first graduate degree in 1993, I chose from an unconscious place. I decided upon a research topic that I unconsciously knew was my inner experience, Dissociation Intensity and Perceived Control. My unconscious so beautifully directed me to my life’s mission to heal myself from childhood sex abuse trauma, and along my journey to help others who have suffered similarly.

While I am trained as a scientist practitioner, first and foremost who I am as a person is defined by my faith. My faith is not of any religious affiliation. However, I was brought up Catholic through the attendance of Catholic schools and Catholic mass. At the age of 12 I decided against organized religion due to the inherent judgement and hypocrisy I observed and experienced within the church. However, up until that time, having the structure of attending catholic mass and my belief in God and prayer helped me to survive my daily childhood trauma at home. Had I not had faith in God, that in some way I had protection from something more powerful, something unseen, I truly don’t know how I would have survived. My faith in God remains strong. My life relationship with God and my guidance from spirit has been ever present throughout my life.

In the early 90’s, as I embarked on my Clinical Psychology graduate education, my desire was to one day integrate psychology, the metaphysical nature of my personal experiences, and my spirituality. It has been about 30 years now since I contemplated this dream, and my opportunity to do so has finally come to pass. Herein is my personal experience and integration of the three.

Upon my retirement from clinical practice in 2020, I found myself beginning a new journey of communication with spirit for my own continued healing. Part One reflects my experience with spirit which arises from my relationship with God. Emanating from the stability of my faith I received an abundance of spirit guidance, and spiritual healing. With the closing of my clinical practice, Covid upon us, and a Presidential Election that was the most stressful for me I can ever recall, I made the commitment to have Sessions with Myself.

The writing format with the sessions in Part One is something I had not experienced previously. It began one day when I got the strong sense that I had more healing to accomplish surrounding my childhood abuse, and I should pick up a pen and begin writing at once. It happened that simply. By listening to my inner voice. The words that I wrote came to me as a quiet inner voice inside my head. As I began writing, I sensed immediately that the words that flowed from my pen would keep flowing without any conscious effort on my part; and it was not just my unconscious thoughts landing on the paper, but instead the voice of infinite wise spirit guides. In receiving validating and supportive messages from spirit I was able to move forward with each writing session and allow my healing process to unfold.

I committed to my personal process of having therapeutic sessions with spirit. The sessions occurred at many different times throughout the day and night as I would wait until I sensed the time was right. Most often this was determined by the degree to which my daily activities took precedence until I could sit quietly and begin deep relaxation. Prior to beginning a session I practiced my regular daily relaxation mental imagery healing exercise. Familiar with the power of mental imagery, I created for myself my own personal healing imagery during deep relaxation, asking God and spirit to impart healing on my body. This was done with my intention of overcoming the body trauma held within as a result of my childhood sexual abuse. My relaxation imagery practice set into motion my openness to receiving my session information from spirit.

The Part One content includes the exact words verbatim I received from spirit with no editing whatsoever. However, the flashbacks, memories, and reflections sections are written in my own words. My session entries began November 2020 during the first year of our COVID pandemic. My final session entry was in May 2021.

While I had gained my own traditional therapy at different times throughout my life and experienced healing as a result, it was time for me to heal again, only this time in an unusual therapeutic format. The initial setting up of my therapeutic relationship with spirit first involved messages from a few of my loved ones in the spirit world. In looking back, I see this served the purpose of easing me into the writing process and helped me to feel safe for the psychological process of what was to come. As my sessions evolved the written communication became the combined voice of infinite wisdom from countless numbers of spirit in the form of group guidance.

The Part Two post session chapters were subsequently written solely in my own words to elucidate and add to my personal experiences and messages revealed in the sessions and offer a psychological perspective to assist others in healing. I hope that in sharing the support and instruction I received from the sessions, and my subsequent healing resulting from the sessions, brings to you an appreciation for how close spirit can be. But most importantly, it is my fervent wish that both sections offer you meaningful information to help you understand and heal from the long-term sequelae of your own childhood sexual abuse trauma.

Part One

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MESSAGES FROM SPIRIT

Chapter 1

SETTING THE FOUNDATION

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November 15, 2020, 12:15pm

Y es this is the way it will go, and further on you will be aware of other voices that will guide you and impart information. Know that it’s my voice but the cumulative effect of many voices, wise voices that exist as angels to guide and help you. But this work is not work. You have often put off writing because you felt a burden of work. This will not be work but will be as automatic as you are writing with ease at this moment. This is how you will write your first book publication. Yes we know this could take its toll on your hand. Know that your hand will be fine. Now we begin. You see, the voices are now combined together, to all work with this labor of love that will not feel like work.

Now rest your hand.

November 17, 2020, 3:35pm

So you say you want to be a writer. Bold of you, as you once referenced to your grandson. We are very proud of you and want you to know we are honored, truly honored to be in your presence as well.

Wow, right? Yes this is happening, really happening. Some will question our presence, but who cares (there is gentle laughter by all). Yes we have a sense of humor. Luca is here, no worries.

Don’t look at the clock. We know you are a bit distracted to do something in a few minutes.

The life is the lesson. The lesson is in the learning. Do not rush. But allow the caverns to open with the rush of water that carries the soul to peace and freedom (they are making a reference here to my words in a poem I began writing yesterday).

Don’t intercept what we say (I sense smiles and kindness). What we mean is don’t stop the writing process to question grammar or how words might fit together.

Take a break.

November 20, 2020, 4:16pm

Let’s begin. A check in is good. The past few days were challenging for you. You were correct, the headache resulted from the lack of oxygen to your brain with the mask and such intense breathing when you got to the top of the stairs.

We want you to relax and stay in your faith. You have strong faith, and we are proud of you.

We are going to provide more evidence. Very soon in your time continuum. We don’t want to scare you in anyway. It is unfortunate your great paternal grandmother scared you about spirits giving a negative connotation of us all when you were a small child. She was wicked to do that to you.

We want to acknowledge the horrible abuse you suffered at the hands of both your parents.

You are right.