We've all felt the need to blame our partner for something going wrong in the relationship. Why do we retreat to negative emotional habits so easily? Dr. Steven Stosny explains how our toddler brain takes over and can cause us to react with blame, denial and avoidance during conflict. Listen to today's show to avoid falling into that trap, and learn how to better react to improve your relationship. In this episode we discuss relationship advice topics that include: Learn why we retreat to our 'toddler brain' of emotional reactivity and how to avoid this. How to create new positive emotional responses that will benefit your relationship. The importance of communicating at least 5 positives for every negative communication. How to prevent defensiveness from your partner and communicate in the most productive manner. Focusing on how you want to feel to help create the emotional changes you need. And much more! Steven Stosny, Ph.D., is the founder of CompassionPower. His current book is Empowered Love and he has published over five others. He has treated over 6,000 clients for various forms of anger, abuse, and violence. He has appeared on “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” “The Today Show,” “CBS Sunday Morning,” many CNN shows, and in the New York Times, Washington Post, U.S. News & World Report, WSJ, Esquire, Cosmopolitan, O, Psychology Today, USA Today. He has taught at the University of Maryland and at St. Mary’s College of Maryland. His blog on Psychologytoday.com. has nearly 12 million views. Full show notes and episode links at: http://idopodcast.com/141 Sign up for our 14 Day Happy Couples Challenge here: 14 Day Happy Couples Challenge Do you want to hear more on this topic? Do you react with negative emotional responses that hurt your relationship? If so, you're not alone. Continue the conversation on our Facebook Group here: Love Tribe Sponsors Lola: LOLA is a monthly subscription that delivers a fully customizable box of ORGANIC cotton tampons, pads and liners right to your doorstep. For 40% off your first order, visit mylola.com and enter the promo code IDO when you subscribe! Audible: Get a FREE audiobook download and 30 day free trial at audibletrial.com/idopodcast. Audible.com is the premier provider of digital audiobooks. Audible has over 180,000 titles to choose from in every genre: thrillers, business, romance, comedy, sci-fi and more. Audible titles play on iPhone, Kindle, Android and more than 500 devices for listening anytime, anywhere.   If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! - Chase & Sarah