Episode 328 – the quality of my relationships with other people in the world is limited by the quality of my relationship with myself.   Adam took his last drink on December 13, 2019.  He is from Massachusetts, and he is 37 years old.  This is his journey of living alcohol free (AF).   Season 3 of the Recovery Elevator podcast begins June 21st.  We are focused on having fun, staying authentic and helping others along the way.    Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.   Odette spoke about early sobriety and thought shifts.  Early sobriety can be exhausting because your body is resetting, and your thoughts are playing tug-o-war.  You have permission to be tired in early recovery.  The mental work is exhausting.  Odette referenced Melody Beattie and the Language of Letting Go.  Letting go of fear is at the core of codependency.  Fear can help you protect yourself.  In recovery, waving goodbye to fear allows you to embrace safety, trust, peace, and acceptance.  Pay attention to healthy fears and let go of the rest.  We can trust and love ourselves.    Sometimes what is best for us feels wrong.  We oversee letting go of what doesn’t serve us anymore.  Peace begins within you.   [8:15]  Odette introduces Adam   Adam took his last drink on December 13, 2019.  He lives in Western Massachusetts with his wife and two young children.  He is a lawyer.  He loves running, hiking, reading, and playing with his two girls.    [9:51] Tell us about your history with drinking?   Adam said his first love was marijuana.  He smoked during high school.  His mother died suddenly when he was in college.  He stopped smoking pot when he went to law school due to the conflict with legality.  Slowly alcohol crept into his life.  After a few years, he muted his feelings and pressures at work with alcohol.  He quickly started moderating.  He moved to Massachusetts and intended to stop drinking, but he was isolated, and his drinking escalated.    [12:28] What was your mindset around alcohol?   Adam said for him it was always numbing.  He liked to drink alone.  He struggled with family issues including shame, vulnerability, and food issues.  He took on some of the behaviors he saw in his family.   [14:00] Did You have food issues as well?   Adam said he did struggle with weight as well.  In junior year of high school, he lost 70 pounds.  He loves running and that has helped him manage his emotions.  He has been choosing mediation in the past year.      [15:21] How did your drinking evolve?   Adam said by 2014, he went to his first AA meeting.  He spoke to his therapist about drinking, but he wasn’t ready to deal with it.  He developed a pattern of lying about his drinking and he would get caught.   He tried to control his drinking by buying nips.    He wanted a state of numbness without heavy consequences.  He described an out of body experience about starting to drink and drive and hide bottles before he got home.    [17:45] Was your shame progressing?   Adam said it was terrible.  He felt like a total failure.  He was taking risks, putting his daughter in danger.  The weight of the shame was huge.    Things came to a head when his wife was pregnant with their second child.  He recalled lying about sobriety time and taking coins for a year of sobriety when he hadn’t achieved it.  He brought the coins into the meeting and told them he had lied.  He was accepted, given hugs and it opened the door for him to transition from shame to guilt.  He was still drinking and hiding.  Anticipating coping with a newborn prompted him to ask for a bigger level of help.  He went to rehab to get well.   [22:51]  Did returning the coins change how you approached drinking?    Adam said it opened the door to imperfection.  He read “the Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown.  He learned that the quality of relationships with other people in this world were limited by his relationship with himself.  If he couldn’t learn to love himself, his relationship with his wife wo