Addiction thrives on the fact that it can mess with our minds. We get confused and feel guilty when our expectations are not met by our partner, particularly when we love a good man or a good woman who’s suffering from this disease. We start to think, “Is what I’m asking for too much? Are my expectations too high? Is what I’m craving something normal, or should I not be asking so much from my partner?” The four basic needs of a relationship involve love, attention, affection, and help from your partner. But are you expecting those four basic needs from somebody who can consistently meet them in a healthy way? You should not feel guilty for expecting those needs to be met from the person you want to share the rest of your life with or your son or daughter. Are you expecting them to love you like you deserve to be loved though? Are you expecting them to show up consistently—to be truthful at all times and every occasion? Because love is trust. Do you expect them to be kind? Because love is not rude. Love protects you. Love is your safe spot. It’s your landing point. It’s the place that you feel called back to again and again after a hard day. Are there times in your life that you want to share with your partner, but they are absent? Are you counting on them to give you more attention than their addiction? What about affection? Do you desire for your partner to respect your heart and your feelings enough to trust them with your body? Are you expecting to feel safe with them when you're intimate and vulnerable? And do you expect them to see you when you need help? Do you want your loved one to anticipate your needs and be thoughtful enough to meet them? Love, attention, affection, and help are four basic needs for anybody in a committed, loving relationship. Here's the truth: each one is necessary from both partners. If your needs are not being met, it’s okay to feel upset. It is acceptable for you to take a pause and mourn the idea that as long as addiction is constantly in your relationship, chances are, those four basic needs are not going to be met for you on a regular basis. It is almost impossible for your loved one to manage their active addiction and meet your expectations. I’ve never seen it happen. More than likely, if your loved one is suffering from a drug addiction, a porn addiction, a sex addiction, or an alcohol addiction, it’s preoccupying most of their thoughts, so they're not thinking about your needs and how to meet them. You're probably feeling used when you're intimate with your partner because you recognize that your heart, your mind, and your spirit are not being respected enough. But in this community, we believe you are not helpless. You can come to the point where you say, “Michelle, I am going to leave because I feel in my heart that I deserve something better. I deserve those four basic needs to be met by my partner.” Or you can decide to stay and say, “I’m not ready to leave. This partner is worth the pain and the suffering, and I’m willing to readjust my expectations in order to remain in this relationship and stay happy.” Either one of those choices is fine. But you’re going to have to lower your expectations for the person that you love. You can provide yourself with the kind of love that you're looking for and needing from your partner. YOU. Remove the responsibility from the person whom you love to meet your needs. Now, I know that's not easy to do, and I know that’s heartbreaking, but those feelings of anger, disappointment, and resentment will disappear if you start taking care of yourself. How do you do that? Love: how do you meet the basic need of love if your partner isn’t making you feel adored? If you’re a member of the Love Over Addiction program or you’ve listened to the podcasts, you’ve heard me say this before: Do something kind for yourself every single day. Every night I reward myself for working hard for my family, for you, and for myself by taking a bubble bath. And I soak in it as