WOWE WOWE EVERYONE! The shark has been JUMPED and we are HEREEE!!!
This... is the best episode... Of any TV show ever made. We got CULTS WITH ORGANS, we got SERIAL KILLERS WITH HOOK HANDS, we got BAREKNUCKLE BRAWLING TEENS VS ADULTS SANCTIONED BY ADULTS?! WHAT A TIME!!
Well, I guess we’re picking up from where we left off last time with Betty, and she’s living at the Farm, confused about Evelyn’s dialisis machine her husband father gave her. But Alice tells Betty she has the serial killer gene, and Edgar decieds to hypnotize her into really beating herself up for pushing Polly down the stairs one time. Also, the queer four (TM) is VERY secretive about their emotial pain scars infected with sepsis. Meanwhile Jughead, all alone, has to sleuth out what happened to Betty on Prom Night, but ends up finding Ethel trapped in the sex bunker hiding from children. Also, Ron decideds to trick her dad into committing crimes (not hard) by having Archie accost him, naked and steaming, and challenge him to a fight. And Hiram accepts, because he’s NEVER SOFT ALWAYS HARD SO ARE WE WTF?! 
Will Polly ever forgive Betty for pushing her down the stairs? Will Kevin die of sepsis? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED IN THIS EPISODE?! No, no, and WE DON’T KNOW!!!!!! 
Bridgets research provided by the Decider: https://decider.com/2019/05/09/riverdale-betty-serial-killer-gene-maoa-cdh13/
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