It's very normal for a betrayed spouse to seek to be safe and avoid being "blindsided" by more betrayal, by trying to "control" the addict spouse's recovery.  Here's how a PBSE listener describes this challenge—My addict is coming up on 2 years of sobriety and 5th D-Day. I am in therapy and he has been in therapy off and on, changing therapists a few times and seeing them maybe twice a month. He was going to multiple SA meetings a week, even leading some. Now he goes a few times a month. In the early days of our recovery, things were good, he was a different, more accountable person who understood the damage he caused. I chose to stay because I saw a change in him. Now, I see him falling back into old patterns, not committing to his recovery and consequently I have fallen back into a lack of trust, fear, and always worrying about how he will behave in certain social and family situations. His character defects are coming through again. How do I communicate my concerns to him when I know his recovery is his and his alone? The slide backward is so upsetting and gaining momentum in my eyes.In this episode, Mark and Steve share HOW to surrender control over an addicts spouse's behaviors while STILL maintaining healthy boundaries and accountability. Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling ServicesHere's an article about how to deal with a porn addict gaslighting you—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/is-a-porn-addict-gaslighting-youHere's an article regarding how pornography can create a "drug-like-dependence"—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/is-pornography-a-drug-addiction